


Words That Became Hard to Say

by petpluto



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Introspection, POV Female Character, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 11:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petpluto/pseuds/petpluto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Veronica knows that Logan needs words. She also knows she can't give the ones he needs up easily. Or at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words That Became Hard to Say

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine, no matter how many stars I wish upon.
> 
> Title comes from The Avett Brothers' song "I and Love and You", because I heard it come on my iPod and immediately thought of Veronica.

Logan is words. Veronica knows this as clearly and as well as she knows every function and setting on her camera. Logan is words. He is a master of them. He is created by them. And he can use words to both distance himself from people and to draw them in. He can cut as deeply with them as any knife, and he can dress the wounds. 

She was words, once, too. She was never as effusive as he is; she was never as free with them as Lilly was. But her life, even though the pain of it has mostly faded away, is still defined by Lilly, and Post-Lilly. Life with Lilly was when she was free with her innermost thoughts, her secrets, her aches and her pains. Post-Lilly is when she learned that giving away words so freely is a gamble. Logan’s greatest triumphs came from the weapons she gave him, when she would sit by his side and whisper about drinks that never emptied, about how she loved watching Duncan, about how her greatest fear was being left alone.

Telling him those things made it easy for him to put truths together in the aftermath. Veronica’s mom leaves, and no one would have thought it was anything except yet another person disillusioned with Keith Mars if it weren’t for Logan. She and Duncan break up, and it would have just been another high school fairy tale crushed if it weren’t for Logan. Even being exiled from the 09ers, even having the rest of the school turn on her, was a product of Logan.He knew where her soft spots were, because she drew him the map.

Logan needs words. He creates his world with them. He protects himself with them. And he’s always more apt to believe words than he is actions. Veronica isn’t sure why. She knows, because he’s told her, how Aaron would rewrite their history so Logan was simply clumsy instead of abused. How Aaron would play the concerned father in words, and then renege in deeds. But Logan still needs words, and Veronica can’t give them to him.

She wishes it was easy as trusting. She does trust him, even with all evidence to the contrary. He doesn’t believe it, because she can’t say it. She can answer in the affirmative. When he asks her, she can tell him yes. She can tell him she does. But taking that final step into the world of “I trust you, Logan” is a leap too far.

She wishes it were as easy as loving. She loves him with an ever-present ache, that only dulls when she’s with him. She loves him as steadfastly as she’s loved anyone in her life. She loved him when she hated him, and she loves him now. But, as with the matter of trust, she can’t vocalize it. It would be easy if she had an excuse, if she were afraid he was going to use her love for him against her. If she thought he was going to abuse her trust. But it isn’t even that. 

She thinks, somewhere along the line, she became paralyzed. The words are there, but they won’t come out. She chokes on them. Her asks her for them, in both overt and covert ways, and she feels them clawing into her throat, desperate to not be allowed to escape.

It kills her, this debilitation. It makes her think less of herself. But the learned behavior has taken root, and it won’t let go without a fight. She hopes, on some implicit level, he understands. She hopes he holds on to the notion that this is where she wants to be and he is who she craves, and that everything else is just her own issues creating and compounding their shared issues. She hopes their entanglement doesn’t mean that neither of them get better, that they just keep circling the same drain, pulling and teasing hurts not forgotten. She knows he soothes some of her pains, and she hopes she does the same. 

Logan needs words, and she needs to be able to give them to someone, at some point in time. Veronica wants it to be him. She’s going to fight for it to be him. And she’s going to win, because she’s Veronica Mars. Fighting the hard fights and winning is what she does. She just needs a little longer to do it.


End file.
